whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
