So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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