Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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