My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you inspire me to be a worse person
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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