bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
