Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
