Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
