Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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