i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
