Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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