My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How's work?
Spinning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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