good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
