I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
