What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life is pants optional.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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