ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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