I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
