She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
