went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize