You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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