Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
