It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
