UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
