my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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