Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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