Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
not ubering you a puppy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
