I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
