It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
