He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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