I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
