Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
