Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
