why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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