i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
