I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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