last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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