'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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