having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
