I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
soo... how was my night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
