i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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