I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My pussy is not your playground.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
