someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just high enough for therapy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
