I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
