addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
