Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
