Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
