maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
