would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
