Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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