Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
