I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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