I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
