AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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