i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
