I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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