So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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