Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
