To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
