Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
