i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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