Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize