Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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