I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
