Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
