if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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