Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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