3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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