Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
