singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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