there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
