This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
