im six kinds of drunk right now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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