I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
