i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
