I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
