Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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